Category Archives: Society at Large

Holding Conflict Together

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A key theme in consensus is holding differing opinions together. It is the idea that two opposite opinions, or just different opinions can coexist without conflict. I have had a hard time understanding this point of view. I am still trying to understand consensus. My heart knows it’s the right method for most groups, and that it is an underutlized method. My whole body knows that when consensus is reached it simply feels right. But, I struggle with its complete understanding.

In order to understand consensus, I’ve solicited the help from others. I’ve participated in no less than three trainings I helped organize with Tree Bressen. I am now using brush’s help as my food club changes in scope.

Each example has helped shave a layer off this consensus onion. Each meeting, training, or interaction I have with people who use consensus makes it a little clearer and I get a little better understanding of what healthy consensus could look like. But, I would still be very uncomfortable saying I am an expert. And, I’ve been doing this for about two years now.

In addition to the trainings offered by Tree and brush, I’ve also, recently, purchased a small cache of books to help educate me in the process. It makes me giddy again with the books splayed over my dining room table, complete with highlighter. I love school. And, now I’m in my Michelle University in Understanding Consensus and Facilitation.

I’m skimming through, reading thoroughly, and perusing these books, and I run into an oft spoken theme: a tenet of consensus is being able hold differing opinions together. Differing opinions, living, side by side, without conflict.

I’ve racked my brain, and I have not been able to think of what that could mean. Doesn’t consensus mean we all have to agree all the time? No, answers my brain, in fact another key tenet is being able to give a wider space for dissenting opinions. One of the things I appreciate most about consensus is this beautiful facilitation that encourages the soft-spoken ones to speak their mind. It’s this perfect utilization and encouragement of group wisdom.

But, we all reach one great decision for the group, so how can two differing opinions be held in the same spot without trampling all over each other? What would that look like?

I have a very narrow view of consensus. My hope is that I will be able to expand where I witness this tool being used, but currently it is largely limited to my food club steering committee meetings. Sure we all agree on food, but we have a lot of different opinions on where to get there. And, I keep looking back to some of these conflicting ideas held together, and well, we’re not there yet. We don’t hold these differing ideas peaceably. We struggle with our own egos. We struggle with embracing this picture, and we struggle with learning about consensus.

Then, a friend posted about her husband. And, I think I have a clue about what this picture can look like. Her husband refused to eat this beautiful plate of food she prepared for lunch. It was full of protein, greens, and an amazing use of sweet potatoes. I thought it looked divine and wanted to rush over for lunch. But, this meal was his worst nightmare. And, now it’s donned on me – they are together. They are in a relationship. Despite their disagreements, they stay in this relationship. The meal wasn’t going to tear them apart. In fact, it makes me chuckle. It makes me think of my own marriage. Despite our disagreements, we stay together.

Differing opinions being held, peaceably, together. She and her daughter ate the meal. He likely had is own. Differing opinions being held, peaceably, together.

Maybe that’s what holding different opinions together looks like.

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21 Drafts

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I have 21 drafts right now. 21 unfinished posts of ideas that get fragmented throughout the days. My only drawback is that Siri doesn’t sync nicely to my WordPress App. I have drafts on parenting, politics, and run of the day things. But today, I’m not going to update any. Instead, I’m going to give you pictures of Levi running around Council Crest.

Today was an absolutely beautiful day in Portland. Cool, clear, crisp with a light wind. I drove back home from the chiropractor’s office and all three mountains were clear. It wasn’t safe to take pictures with my phone while driving around the I-5 curves, so Levi and I visited the park after Peter left for work. Here’s what it looked like.

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A Day in the Life of….

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We went to Hopworks for dinner tonight. Yum.

The Basic Burger & Fries

The Basic Burger & Fries

Levi enjoying his fries

Levi enjoying his fries

I went for a walk at work. I discovered a new sculpture in a park I’d never been.

Lunchtime Exploring

Lunchtime Exploring

Peter bought a big wrench.

Levi & The Big Wrench

Levi & The Big Wrench

We discovered Walgreen’s has a car charger.

Walgreen's Goes Electric

Walgreen's Goes Electric

Walgreen's Goes Electric

Walgreen's Goes Electric

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Bitch!

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The R Wines 2007 Bitch Grenache

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I usually abhor the term. I think of it akin to other derogatory terms used to slight women. I find it ineffective and mean.

And, now, I’d like to honor and appreciate my inner bitch.

Okay, why? Well, someone I respect gifted me, and a few others, Bitch wine. It’s very good. The description is divine. It’s a fruity red. Light and nice.

2008 Bitch (R Wines) Grenache South Australia

SKU #1047023

Bitch, a provocatively named 100% Grenache from R Wines, achieves the potential of this difficult-to-grow grape. Winemakers Chris Ringland and Lisa Wetherell use fruit from the Barossa Valley in South Australia. Yields from the 25-year-old vines grown in sand over clay are modest, 3 to 5 tons an acre. Fleshy and round, with tons of jammy strawberry and raspberry fruit, this is neither shy nor light in the alcohol department, but it’s so darn hard to bitch about the heat, when there is so much lip-smackingly good fruit!

Often, I need to bitch. Sometimes, I can act bitchy. It’s these two terms I would like to embrace.

Sometimes, I just need to bitch, bitch, bitch. Life doesn’t always go as you need or want it to. And, we need to honor that frustration, those angry, frustrated emotions and let it all out. If that can be defined as bitching, then let us have it!

And, sometimes I get tired of talking. Sometimes, I get tired of communicating. I have been told, often, that I am very diplomatic. I pride myself in this ability. I pride myself in this ability to see both sides (or multiple) of a story, pause conversation, deliberate, and be nice about it. I pride myself in being able to say what I really mean, and often, that doesn’t include those frivolous insults that can come out when someone is venting. But, sometimes, when I’m tired of exerting all that energy into being nice, I just don’t want to be nice anymore. And, sometimes, when I’m tired of being nice, I state my needs very abruptly. Sometimes it is a forceful phrase that says, “Okay, I am done talking about this.”

I wonder what my eyes look like when I say that. I know what my face feels like. It feels tight and hot with frustration.

I conflict with someone in my circle. Okay, I conflict with few people in my circle, because I’ve grown up and I know what I want and I state my opinions. My sister would argue that it’s because I’m still a know it all. My growing up, though, has informed me that I don’t and can’t know everything. So, I kind of disdain that label, even though I know it is still used by some.

So, this gal, with whom I conflict, she told me tonight that she doesn’t like “Mad Michelle.” Overall, she likes to be liked, so it’s not a fear I would snap or doing anything scary. But, that gave me pause. Sure, let’s embrace the “inner bitch” but what does this “Mad Michelle” mean?

We don’t conflict every day. I respect her, and I like her too, so I want to get over these hurdles. But, the other thing that was said was that … she has felt that she has had to manage me. She’s been trying to “work” how she communicates with me to get the results she desires.

That disturbs me, and that encourages my embracing my inner bitch.

I don’t need to be handled. I need to be treated like a human. I need to be listened to. I don’t need to take part in conversations where one person does all the talking. They aren’t looking for advice, they are simply looking for a pedestal on which to hear themselves talk. That wastes my time. If you want my advice, great. If not, be clear about your intentions. Don’t waste my time.

So, here I am bitching and trying to embrace my inner bitch. Yet, I don’t want to sacrifice my diplomacy and clarity in deliberation. Maybe this a balancing act I’ll have to surrender.

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To Have Hope

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Temperature predictions from some climate mode...

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Climate change is happening. We can attempt to deny it. We can go along with the conflict among politicians and in the newspapers. We can close our eyes to it. We can say “weather is weather” when we look at a balmy January day when it should be 20 below. Climate change — global warming — is happening. No matter what we say to console ourselves doesn’t change the trend that 98% of the scientific community accepts as fact. Our world is warming and places are already being affected. Recently, the Oregonian published a map put out by the USDA. The USDA is redrawing their garden zoning maps to more accurately reflect current temperatures. The caption lightly explains warming, but also attributes the change to better mapping software! So, I put a flippant comment on my Facebook page that got its own attention from my friends. One didn’t realize I was being sarcastic. Another responded with his own, appropriately, flippant remark. Finally, a family member expressed her own frustration with how we glaze over this very serious problem. As a follow-up, I posted a link to a three-year old Scientific American article that showcased ten places that in 2008 that were clearly affected by climate change. Some of the listed places include:

Darfur

Until the rains failed in Darfur, the region’s pastoralists lived amicably with the settled farmers. The nomadic herders grazed their camels on the rocky hillsides between the fertile plots and fed their animals on the leavings from the harvest….[More]

The Gulf Coast

Climate scientists may still be debating to what extent climate change is going to translate into stronger and more frequent hurricanes, but insurance companies aren’t waiting for the final answer….[More]

Northern Europe

The warming of the globe has so far generally been good for the world’s wine. It has allowed the fruit to come off the vine richer and riper. A study led by Gregory Jones, a climatologist at Southern Oregon University in Ashland, Ore., and the son of a winegrower, tracked the impact of rising temperatures between 1950 and 1999, using as a measure of quality the values by the auction house Sotheby’s, which rates wines on a 100-point scale….[More]

Great Barrier Reef

Not all the carbon dioxide we emit contributes to atmospheric warming. More than a third of what we have produced since the industrial revolution has been absorbed by the oceans, where it reacts with seawater to form carbonic acid….[More]

In recent years, no less than four Alaskan communities have been forced to relocate (Shishmaref, Kivalina, Shaktoolik and Newtok) due to climate change. Waters are rising. Temperatures are rising. Plants and animals are migrating, and now people are migrating too. These communities are the canaries in the coal mine. They are the ones screaming to the rest of the world, “LISTEN! Climate change is happening! It’s happening to us! Now!”

But now we’re not listening. Collectively. We are stuck in group think, not embracing our group wisdom. Collectively, what can we do? That was the question that was posed to me. So, here’s a short list.

  1. Don’t lose hope. But realize that people will only change when they want to. So, while not losing hope, stay the steady course.
  2. Lead by example. Reduce, reuse, and recycle. Then do it all over again, and better.
  3. Be mindful of your own consumption and aware of how this culture of things is perpetuating the problem.
  4. Realize hope in that 60% or so of Americans do recognize that there is a problem, so while the media isn’t up on what Americans really are thinking, there is a paradigm shift around us.
  5. Educate yourself, and then, educate others. Do it with compassion, and when they stop listening do it with your actions. Show people how the local organic food you create with is better than the tasteless, flavorless, nutritionless food found in the average grocer.

To have hope can be hard, but I think it’s imperative we stay the steady course. We can find solace in the Romanesque period in history where buildings became strong again when the world didn’t end in 1000 AD. We can find solace in realizing we have found lost technologies, like concrete, to make our world more solid. We can find solace in remembering that no matter how stubborn, we are one of the most adaptable creatures, and adapt we will. We can find solace in our relationships that we forge, foster, and create. Because, then, we know that we will have a network to turn to who supports our ideals of local, homegrown, homefunded communities.

To have hope, in my mind, is the only way to live. And, to have hope, is the only bottom line that will drive us when madness surrounds.

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Quiet Please

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Carl Jung integrated psychology with spirituality

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So, a world created by extroverts? Marti Olsen Laney’s claim is that the world is 75% full of extroverts and that introverts have a challenging time functioning in this out there world. In a recent book, Susan Cain explores how our extroverted world came to be with the rise of our corporate culture. With this rise, an “out there” personality became the needed norm, perhaps even for survival. But, where does that leave the naturally quiet? Where does it leave those who naturally live in a world that is largely composed of thought? Cain presumably argues in her new book that we’ve [simply] become out of balance.

I am a self-proclaimed introvert. As such, I like observing. For example, often, while I’m on the bus, I simply see all the personalities with whom I share space. And in the midst of this observation, I can see how the extroverted world is being put to the test. I can see how the extroverted world is being pushed away and forced aside. What happens on a bus that supports my argument? Let me show you.

  • One day, I counted 3 of 4 headphones on one last surge of people getting on the bus.
  • No one is speaks to each other. They all take part in the proper bus etiquette. This has likely happened for years. Perhaps the bus is one of those sacrosanct spaces that the extroverted world will never touch.
  • Usually, half of those in my view have their heads down engaged in some activity: reading, using their smart phone, texting, listening to music, or occasionally writing a handwritten note.
  • If I enter a crowded bus, I usually don’t even know what my seat partner looks like until they have to get up and move in my way. I also often don’t see people I know when they board the bus – lost in my world.

I’ve heard two decent definitions of introverts and extroverts. The first definition usually referenced has to do with where one gets their energy. That is, if you get your energy with other people than you are likely an extrovert. Conversely, if you get your energy, for example, in the woods, alone, you are likely an introvert. Cain offered another definition that relies on environmental preferences. If you prefer quiet, low stimulant environments, then likely you are an introvert. If you prefer an environment ripe with stimulation, like a party, than you might be an extrovert. Every author qualifies these definitions with a spectrum description stating that no one person is all one thing or another. Cain even referenced a Carl Jung quote, the psychologist and thinker who first defined introverts and extroverts, as saying that anyone who is all one or another should probably find themselves a home in an asylum.

While I’ve been processing this pattern, I bounced a few ideas off a friend. I argued to her that maybe the world is more 50% of each. She didn’t feel that the world split itself so evenly, and I’d have to agree. I think the simple answer is Cain’s – that pendulum is likely righting itself. And, I’m seeing a select, dramatic swing on things like my bus rides where it seems introvert dominated.

Growing up, I didn’t know I was an introvert. I was labeled things like shy. I knew I hated raising my hand in class. I would rather be quiet. But, I don’t bemoan any misguided raising I may have experienced. I think it’s great coaching for anyone to know thyself and learn to speak their mind. I think it’s especially important for us quiet introverts to find that courage because we do have a world of thoughts spinning. And often, I just want the extroverts to stop talking so we can speak, uninterrupted. That said, I love all this literature talking about introverts. I love that the pendulum is swinging and my people are given a safe space to … be quiet.

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What a Week

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One friend found out she is cancer free.

One friend lost her longtime family pet.

We were without power for two nights.

Several friends lost other familial loved ones.

A group suffered a suicide within their ranks.

All within the span of one week.

People were off. People were grouchy. We were just not ourselves.

I haven’t seen a week or day like that in a long time. A day, a week, a set time when everyone with whom I associate is just … off. My family and I didn’t have an extraordinary week one way or another. Sure, we didn’t have power for two nights, but it wasn’t cold and our food didn’t spoil. But, around us, all these things were tipping in weird balances. We weren’t sleeping. People were driving weird … all these little … annoyances. All these annoyances that by themselves wouldn’t lend any excitement, but put together made for a very off week. All week-long, I couldn’t wait for the week to end. And, finally, end it did.

Now, I’m getting caught up. I didn’t post for many days. While I might have enough posts between asides and regular blogs, I certainly haven’t been writing every day. My tool to get through the day, and I’ve abandoned it in the wake of the strangeness of the universe.

Now, though, I must retire. The computer has frozen and shut down more times than is relevant. Blogging would be so much easier if I could have the technology I covet.

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People Forgetting People

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Iraq War soldiers and bombing

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It was 2004. The Iraq war had waged on for about a year. I, and my friends, [we] were still in shock over all that happened. He hadn’t listened! We protested. We wrote. We petitioned. We called. We bitched. We complained.

We didn’t want another Vietnam. We can’t do that to our people again. We can’t do that to our brothers and sisters. We can’t let them suffer for a cause, for a rich man’s war, that isn’t really about freedom at all.

So why is he doing this? Why? Why is this Yale graduate, son of an oil man, baseball team owner, married to a librarian enforcing this war?

The simplest answer, and the most comfortable one for my little brain to wrap around, has been that he was simply taking care of those he cares about. On the surface, it seems that he cares about contractors making $6k to $10k per day more than soldiers without shoes. On the surface, it would seem an oil company was more important than the people working for the company.

I related it to my own cirlce. I want my family and my close friends taken care of. I want them healthy. I want them to have secure jobs that give them benefits to help ensure good health. I want them to have access to clean, healthy food. I want them to be educated on healthful (clean air, clean water, clean soil) ways to take care of their families. I want them to have access to the American Dream, and not just the same station in life in which they were born.

My wants certainly can’t be that different from Mr. Bush’s, can they? On that macro level. On that big, 50,000 mile high level. We all really want the same things. We want our loved ones to be taken care of.

The difference is who the loved ones are. And, someone, in this myriad tangled web of life, we forget about people we don’t care about.

Mr. Bush is an extreme, political example, but I hope it highlights what I see happening all over. Recently, I was a part of a conversation where it was argued that the only thing missing out of a particular sustainability equation was the Environment. I was shocked, since the conversation was about an organization that only does work in the environment. No where, though, were people mentioned. Not the people who do the work voluntarily. Not the people who get the details done to do the work. Simply, people were missing from this conversation, and no one recognized it.

Sustainability was put on hold the year I graduated from college. With bank, market, and housing crashes – all fell like dominoes after 2008, it’s as if we couldn’t focus on anything but that which was right in front of us. And, still, three years later we are reeling. We’re still trying to calm the frenzy around us in order to organize our lives and dream about the American Dream.

In the frenzy, the environment wasn’t forgotten. The Sierra Club is still doing their job. I”m not saying the environment doesn’t suffer, I’m simply saying it wasn’t forgotten. But, people were.

Wages dropped. Homes were foreclosed upon. Details were lost that made people homeless and lose their jobs. benefits were lost affecting the health of many.

People were forgotten.

You can’t have a balanced three-legged stool without people. You can’t have a true balanced Triple Bottom Line general ledger without people. You can’t have a world, without people.

I am dismayed that after all we’ve been through, we still take two steps back. I’m dismayed that people are still forgotten and the gap between the haves and have nots widens. I’m dismayed that people are forgotten.

But, as if by a miracle, a group has risen up and shouted to not forget us. My question, today, is this: Can the Occupy Movement get people to remember people?

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