Argh, there’s a sniffle in there

Posted on by
Reply
Cover of "Brave New World"

Cover of Brave New World

Vacation is only days away. Hours at this point. I have been fighting off the beginnings of a cold since Friday. It is still lingering. I sound nasily. I have a runny nose.

There have been two birthdays in my office this far, this year. Each person’s birthday was an unfortunate bad day. I am hoping that wasn’t the start of a trend.

No tsunamis. No earthquakes. Rain is okay as long as we’re not driving too far. Decent weather! Fun for the weekend! These are the hopes in my head. Pardon while I blow my nose.

Equally as annoying as ill health is the now seemingly ill-timed vacation. When we made our plans, it was thought out and planful. When we made our plans, I had hopes of being caught up at work.

But alas, that was then, and this is now. The now is not being caught up with barely any time to breathe. I know, intellectually that saying yes to something means saying no to something else, but I don’t enact on that knowledge. I keep saying yes. I keep interrupting my day instead of finding my way to the famed Quadrant II.

Oh how I wanted this vacation to be a true refresh. I vented this to a friend. She said, “There’s pills for that.” And, I paused and considered it.

Me, the one how has consistently been anti-drug. Me, the one who is now drugged on daily meds to keep allergies, reflux, and occassionaly a thyroid all under control. Now, me, who considers, “Why not drug the head too?” For the same reasons I don’t drink much: I prefer to be lucid and of my own mind. But, what if just for a moment I could be mindful and in the moment and not worry about all the crap I can’t control but feel invested in. What if just for a moment…

And, in Brave New World they called in a Soma-Holiday. Today we call it something like Prozac.

I’m not going to get drugged or even drunk for our holiday. I just hope I won’t be the sick one this time. In December, my husband was riddled with a nasty sinus infection that sucked the joy out of our refresh. I hope I won’t be the funkiller over my birthday…

Here’s to hoping in 2012.

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta

Women

Posted on by
Reply

Do you deny that we live in a patriarchal society? Do you like the way our current government denies rights of people (all colors and women)? Are you comfortable with the status quo? If so, this post might not be for you.

Loretta Lynn describes the chain women have felt, throughout all the ages, when being tied down by pregnancy. I had no idea she sang anything like this. I’m not wholly familiar with Loretta as an artist; she is only present in my historical pop culture mind. And, when I hear these words, sung decades ago, it resonates straight to my heart. I think of all the women I know and have known who had pregnancy after pregnancy.

Some were happy to do so. Some were so devout in their relationships or their religion, and in their hearts, they knew it was the right and only path to take. Some, though, have found themselves bound by the inability to choose.

And, this song showcased in 1975 shows a choice. Rural nurses later note that “The Pill” was more effective in teaching women about birth control than available literature.

We are in election year 2012, so naturally birth control is getting a bad rap from the Christian Right. Arguments of conception, birth, and when babies really start living are ramping up. Planned Parenthood is on the attack, and its supporters rally behind defending them against things like recent Komen absurdities.

But, it’s not over, and specifically, contraception was on the attack this week in Congress. Representatives argued that it wasn’t a women’s issue (commenting on Obama‘s rally that religious institutions have to allow birth control in their insurance plans) rather a religious rights issue. My friend Beth countered with the following examples

If this isn’t about reproductive rights and contraception but rather about religious liberty, then substituting the sub-topic shouldn’t be offensive.
For example: imagine a hearing that was justifying a religious group‘s decision to castrate males who have raped females because it was against their beliefs, and the religious group’s leaders happen to be all women….and men were not allowed to testify.
OR, a hearing that was justifying slavery because a religious group’s believed that non-whites were less than human, and the religious group’s leaders happen to be all white…and people of color were not allowed to testify.So, I argue that this hearing is *really* about contraceptives and reproductive rights. If you think my fictional scenarios are offensive, then you can understand why women would find this current and real scenario offensive.

I buy that. I buy that it’s really about women’s rights and a woman’s right to choose. And, some people just can’t accept that women have that right and are taking it back.

I love my son. I love my boys more than I ever knew possible. But, I also knew that being a stay-at-home-mom wasn’t for me as my full-time gig. Sure, I love making food and ensuring the house is tidy – but when I’m doing it day after day not engaging in adult conversation and other things to stimulate my brain… I quickly fall prey to the feeling of being in a rut. I toss and turn with disappointment. And, think, we do have choice now. Imagine just a few years ago when that choice wasn’t as easy to come by. Imagine our mothers. Imagine our grandmothers. Imagine our great grandmothers. Imagine our great great grandmothers and the various suffragette movements.

They have done so much for us. They have done so much so that Loretta Lynn can sing those songs, no matter how the radio played them. They fought so that we can continue to live, to choose, and to be all that we can be. We owe it to them to continue fighting and proving our own empowerment. The time is definitely now for women to take back what was theirs all along: our power; our choice.

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta

Hair Cuts & Positive Attitudes

Posted on by
Reply

Six weeks. Maybe 7. I’ve had this appointment booked since the beginning of January. And, we were late. By twenty minutes. I busted my butt to get there on-time, but traffic had other ideas. I should have just let Peter walk or take the bus from the school. I wanted to be nice, and I misjudged Friday night traffic. So, I dropped him off at a closer cross-section.

My husband walked the 3/4 of a mile home faster than it took Levi and me to get out of the neighborhood.

It’s been busy at work. It’s been busy at home. It’s been busy. I was looking forward to this for some time. It was a refresh, and then faced with disappointment. I wanted to cry.

It’s a stupid hair cut. I can reschedule. I’m hoping it won’t take another 6 weeks. But, damn, I was looking forward to this for weeks. 

The gal was very sweet. She peppered the conversation with a positive attitude when all I wanted to do was start bawling for all the things that aren’t getting done and the disappointment of not getting what I was looking forward to.

Then it dawned on me. Generally, I do have a positive attitude. I laugh to cope when stress gets too much, or ridiculousness can only be solved by that release of endorphins. But, on those instances when stress and life come to a head … I want space to revel, to pause, to appreciate this emotional life we live.

I used to not really know what to do with these emotions: sadness, gladness, madness. Then, a few emotional life events happened. Relationships ended, started, loved ones were lost. When these dramatic emotional life swings came, the emotions were so overpowering that I couldn’t not pause to reflect on them. There was no choice.

In the years since, I’ve come to appreciate that pause. I’ve come to appreciate that acknowledgement of feelings. We live emotional lives. We live with joy and disappointment, sometimes daily. Emotions are life. If we ignore them, my brain has concluded, then we ignore life.

So, I was a little put off when she focused on the positive attitude. Generally, I want the positive attitude. Generally, I’m probably the one who pushes it and might not give others that pause I know now that I need. That’s the lesson here. I need the pause. Why wouldn’t others?

I got my pause later. I am fine. I’m getting a cut and color late Wednesday night, right before we go out-of-town. I’ll have more than two hours between appointments instead of trying to manage a 12 minute drive with no traffic in Friday night rush hour. As with most things in life, it all works out.

Next time, I should pause. What could I have done differently? Gone outside, breathed? Stayed in the car a little longer? Instead, we rushed in, late, apologized. I couldn’t really talk, and I worked hard to not cry in front of all these strangers.

I don’t know what I could have done differently but next time someone expresses a deep emotional response in front of me, I can pause. I don’t have to find the solution or even the positive attitude. Acknowledge, pause, then we can solve.

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta

Inherited Collaboration

Posted on by
Reply

It’s all my mother’s fault. Seriously. Who else should I blame but her? She’s the one who drilled it in us [me], especially as we grew up and participated in sports. Yes, my desire for ground up planning; my desire for collaboration; my desire for fair teams — I blame this all on my mother.

I find myself, often in a few of the circles I travel, advocating for collaboration. I feel like I’m often asking people to slow down, consider other view points, seeking out the dissenters in order to move a process and hear their concerns. I often find myself planning for things where it doesn’t include a “star” of the team because I understand life happens and the team is nothing if it can’t function without a member.

I’m leery of sounding arrogant here. I’m leery of sounding like I’m always a team player. I’m leery of sounding like I don’t fight to get my way. Because, I do these things. I’m not always a team player, and sometimes I do fight to get my way. Sometimes, depending on the situation, I even close myself off to the other opinions I crave in other situations!

Seeing the trouble my arrogant methods sometimes yield, and seeing the solidification of consensus based decisions proves to me the preferred way to make decisions. I also grew up in a big family. A family that, when brought together, talks over one another and sometimes you have to shout to get your voice heard. I’ve been the one waiting and waiting to be heard, and I hate that. Something about looking in from the outside, I have the ability to see when other people may feel the same way. I know that when I’m watching other people talk, I have sometimes a million thoughts going through my head. I suspect that they do to. I want to hear what they are saying. I want the others to stop talking and give space for the quiet ones.

And, I’m going to blame my mother on this. She’s the one who insisted we “walk in another’s shoes for a mile” before judging. She’s the one who insisted we think of others. She’s the one who made sure we were thoughtful in our actions. She’s the one who ensured I listened to others.

So, yes, I blame my mother that I prefer consensus. Consensus, as described when it runs well, insists that we put our whole bodies into a process. We recognize our logic, our ration, and our emotion. We acknowledge these pieces to our brain (our bodies) as a whole. We are called to hold these pieces and give space for them, to allow for better decisions all around. We are called to think outside of ourselves, using our knowledge and experience, and consider choices that are best for the group. We are called to let self-interest rest and bring our self-less selves into the process.

Instead of blame, Mother dear, I thank you.

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta

The Magic Closet

Posted on by
Reply

Our open house, for work, was tonight. We had about 200 people come and go in the three and a half hour block. It was a grand time. People visited, ate, and drank. And, people needed to store their coats. We have a coat closet in our new space. Yea! It’s not huge, but it’s up front, and we even have hangers. We only have, though, 16 hangers. 16 hangers that I bought our first week in the space. I manned the door for the first hour and half, left to get Levi, and returned with an hour left. While I was there, we never ran out of room in that closet. Every time I looked in, there were barely any hangers left. But, every time I directed someone to the closet, there was magically another hanger available for use.

The miracle of the magic closet. It’s like a modern-day version of the loaves and fishes, without the punch of … you know … feeding people.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Tuesday Night

Posted on by
Reply

What to write, what to write… Tonight I need a free write topic. Let’s go see what Plinky has to offer. A relevant topic:

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day? Why or why not?

Yes… Sometimes. But, this year, I forgot. Okay, first, ever since I learned the origin of Valentine’s day with the St. Valentine massacre, the luster of the holiday lost its… luster. Regardless, I find that we often bemoan past terrors without learning from or appreciating revised sentimentality. So, I don’t want to be one of those people. And, I like to appreciate the sentiment. Like last year, when my husband got me 4 roses. Or this year, when he got me a gift certificate for a one hour massage.

Valentine's Day 2011

Valentine's Day 2011

But I forgot. All day. I wore red, my favorite color, only because I had nothing else to wear. I was wished Happy Valentine’s day no less than 6 times. After each time, I forgot until the next person said, “Happy Valentine’s Day!” I stayed late at work because we have a big event tomorrow. (The Garbage Art looks great by the way.) We had our now traditional mac and cheese dinner. So, all in all, the day wasn’t very eventful when considering Valentine’s Day and the love dedication its supposed to invoke.

I guess, no, I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day with pomp and circumstance. But, if I remember, I will buy cards, flowers, and wish you a good day. And, I’ll wear red for the occasion because I will take any excuse.

 

Enhanced by Zemanta

Sunday Night

Posted on by
Reply

I woke up this morning recovering from a dream in which I was late, missing my ID, and unable to remember where the after care program was that my son was in. The dream itself didn’t bother me once I was able to talk it out, but it is interesting how we use dreams to process that which goes on around us.

We are trying to find a school for our son. I had high hopes for this Catholic education. A place where Levi could learn more about this religion that I love than I grew up knowing. A place wehre Levi could grow with a small group of the same students in a nurturing, caring environment. That’s not to say he’d get something similar (sans the Catholic upbringing) from a public school — it’s just saying that’s what I wanted.

It’s become clear though, that the “regular” way in which we teach kids isn’t looking to be a good fit for Levi. It likely wasn’t a good fit for my husband either. They need tactile things. They need to touch. They need to explore. Sitting at a desk reading about life doesn’t teach them about life. Me? I can ponder, wax philosophical, and consider ideas until the cows come home. They need to jump into it. Knee deep. So, where can we find a school like that? And, if we do fine one, how much will it cost?

I won’t home-school. I am not that kind of a teacher. I require different stimulations while the day goes on, and if I don’t get it — I won’t be my best for Levi and my husband.

So, I am… I have been… worrying about Levi’s school. I’ve been worrying about our involvement, or lack thereof. I’ve been worrying about what the next school will look like. I’ve been worrying about the next school’s expectations. I’ve been worrying about managing all the things I’m involved in with the future PTA. I’ve been thinking more and more about how unrealistic 40 hour work weeks are when I have a small person and his own obligations. I’ve been fantasizing about ways to simplify my schedule and stay in line with my own goals: educating people on the importance of a sustainable society.

And, I guess all that thinking translates into a dream. A worried dream where I discard some of my personal belongings, including convoluted Keds, tied in strange knots, and putting myself at risk (of identity theft and getting soaked since I also discarded my rain coat).

Thoughts consuming the night time processing = dreams.

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta

Levi Turned Five

Posted on by
2

Today, Levi had his fifth birthday party. Yesterday, it was really his birthday. Although, all day yesterday, Levi declared that he would not turn five until his party. And, today was his party.

I planned, since last year, to have a place-based party. That is, a place that isn’t our home. I looked at the community center, indoor castles, art clubs, jumping houses … and I settled on the bowling alley. It offered the least expensive option and is closest to our home. What was included? Pizza, soda, bumper lanes, table cloths, paper plates, napkins, and cups. The best part was it was set for an hour and not at our house.

The kids (and parents!) had a blast. About 11 kids showed up. What a change from my fifth birthday where I could only think of two friends from my new school to attend. We tried to go sledding, but as mine is also a February birthday (late), snow in Michigan is hit or miss, and there was only mud. Here, the kids were set for success. We put some names up, but it served to semi organize chaos. Occasionally, the kids paid attention to the names, but they were free to run, play, eat, drink. And they did all things.

As adults, we visited with each other in rotation – what would be expected of such a party. It was amazing to me how full the small space were allotted looked. We even have plans to do this again next year. Same place, but just get an extra lane.

Enhanced by Zemanta